The thing about anxiety that has been there long enough is that you stop seeing the cage. You just start calling it your preferences. I preferred not to drive long distances. I preferred restaurants near the door. I preferred jobs within walking distance.

At 34, I sat in a carpark outside a dinner 8 minutes from home and realised I had been sitting there for 25 minutes unable to open the door. That was the night I made the appointment.

I had done CBT. Breathwork. Every book. I understood my nervous system in theory. It did not help me get out of the car.

Around session 8, I went through an entire workday without once planning my exit routes. Session 12, without planning it, I drove to the airport alone, on the motorway. I parked, walked to arrivals, and I was just a person waiting. Not a person managing a threat.

I called my mum from the car park. I could not explain why I was crying. She understood anyway